I wish you were here
by CzarnaBastet
Summary: After graduation. I wrote it before "First time" so Finn goes to OSU and Rachel starts her dreams come true in NY.
1. Chapter 1

****I really want to thank Kasia, who translated this thing for me. I know I'll never thank you enough.

This is story in two parts. And it's pretty angsty.

**I**

He hung up a towel and closed his locker. He loved this silence, just after the winning game. Only two more left and the State Championship will be theirs. Again. He smiled, imagining what is going to happen now. He was waiting for this party for a couple of weeks, and so was the whole team. As always, Puck will draft a half of campus into a fraternity house, four or five cheerleader teams and a wagon of kegs of beer. But they absolutely deserved it. He flung his bag on the shoulder and brought his cellphone out of the pocket. Knowing what he is going to find there, he couldn't resist the feeling it is something bad.

**'I've been watching! I'm so proud of you, guys! R.'**

_Guys_? Really? Ugh, this whole situation is more and more absurd. Since two years, they were pretending to be friends, and that they had broken up "_because it will be better for their future_". He wasn't expecting them to be together, they were exactly 534 miles apart. It is a whole state! But this, what was happening now, was probably even worse than parting in hatred. He felt totally blocked.

**'Just two more games left! Hope you got your role, F.'**

Christ! What a duplicity! They were stuck in this 'thing' and no one wanted to let the other one out.

He sighed and directed his steps to the parking area. He had to be home before the ecstatic crowd would not let him breathe. While driving a car, he was overtaking cars decorated with the club's colours and people running with the university flags. He loved this feeling of fulfilment and pride that it was him and his team mates who made this chaos today.

He got off the car and quickly went to the flat, wishing for a hot and soothing shower. Heading his steps to the bathroom, he tripped over feminine heels. Sharing a flat with Puck has one, and the only one, advantage – he was always gone, but when he occasionally appeared, he always sit in his bedroom, like at this moment.

The water was supposed to wash down all the thoughts about Rachel, about the past, the things he sacrificed, but nothing like that happened. Quite the opposite – it made him feel worse. He leaned his head against the wall and let the water flow on his body. Recently, he was in a funk and the bad feeling has been escalated every time Rachel met a new guy. He himself never had a problem with girls or sleeping with them. He knew women were into him and never hesitate to jump at an occasion. But he couldn't be involved for more than a couple of nights. He tried his best not to treat girls like things and, in contradistinction to Puck, he knew their names and really liked them as well. But still, it was Rachel who occupied his attention all the time. Seeing her on Christmas and during holiday didn't make things better. He tried as he couldn't to stay with her alone. It was all perfect, until the last holiday when he came back to Lima. She did, too. And what happened? They lunged at each other like horny teenagers. Two years of trying to build their lives from the beginning came to grief during one night. Actually, three. Paranoia!

He punched the wall and automatically regretted it. He was proud he and Puck had got scholarships, but it was nail in his coffin. Rachel moved to New York with Kurt, she was making her dreams come true, and he was making his – winning another games as a quarterback in OSU. Why the hell couldn't they move on? The worst thing was that she was everywhere. Every time he spoke to Kurt, he was trying to address topic on Rachel. And, what he deduced, she was not doing well at all. Yes, she had been dating someone, even for a long time, but they broke up._ "For some unknown reason"_ as Kurt said. Bullshit! They broke up because Rachel didn't see anything wrong in jumping to his bed every now and then. Or doing it on a kitchen table. Or in a shower. And when he was leaving, what did she tell him? _"I'm gland we can still be friends." _Christ! He wasn't expecting a big coming back, he wasn't _THAT_ naïve, but somewhere inside him there was a smouldering hope that maybe this time they would cut loose. Bullshit again!

He jumped out of the shower and looked in the mirror. He didn't want to shave. All he needed now was something that would distract his attention, and hands, and would let him escape from the bloody ghosts, which appeared every time he was starting to be happy. He dressed quickly and was going to ask Puck, if he should wait for him at the party, but, hearing the noise behind the wall, he just smiled and went out. His friend knew the whole story, actually both his and Rachel's version. Unfortunately, in his opinion, the best cure for everything was sex and alcohol. In the long run, it was like chasing his own tail.

From afar, he heard the sounds of the party in the fraternity house. It made a positive impact on his mood. Finally, he was there. When suddenly he heard

_'Finn, are you busy tonight?'_

Hearing the familiar voice, he turned around and felt a huge smile appearing on his face. _Kayla._ This was an exact distraction he needed the most.


	2. Chapter 2

**II**

They have just won another game. Still smiling, she turned the TV set off and took her cellphone.

**'I've been watching! I'm so proud of you! Miss you, R.'**

She looked at the text deprecatingly, deleted it and started again.

**'I've been watching! Wish I were here, R.'**

Disgusted, she threw the cellphone on a couch.

_We're friends, for God's sake, and I can't send him a stupid text_ flashed through her mind.

She made the last attempt.

**'I've been watching! I'm so proud of you, guys! R.'**

It wasn't a peak of dreams, but, taking the whole situation they were in into consideration, she pressed 'send'. She was happy Finn isn't all by himself in OSU, that he has the best friend there. She had Kurt, New York, the scene, Broadway. She stood up and went to the bathroom to change her dressing on feet. Dance rehearsal were always tiresome, but today's one was the worst – since she came back, she did nothing except lying, she did even missed her classes. In fact, she wanted to cry the whole day, it hurt so much. She couldn't wait for Kurt to come back so he would salve her bad back. She sat at the edge of a bath, unwound the dressing and winced at her bloodstained toes. She gritted her teeth. _Tomorrow will be fine... Everything for the scene... I can do it... _she repeated in her head like a mantra, while tears were falling down on her face. Since a few weeks, nothing was ok. She douched her feet and swathed them again. Walking on the heels and bracing on the walls, she moved to her bedroom. En route, she took her cellphone with her and threw herself on bed.

**'Just two more games left! Hope you got your role, F.'**

She looked at this text and not felt like doing anything. She threw it on the floor and started to search marks on the ceiling. Of course she had gotten the role, she was unbeatable. But why part of her, even this bigger, wasn't happy about this fact? In moments like this, she felt like there was no air in the room, as well as no joy inside her. After all, she made her dreams come true, since two years she has been living in New York, studying and performing. And has been lonely. She was so terribly lonely that she couldn't Finn let go. She didn't know what was destroying her more – the fact that every time she saw him, she wished for his touch or that she sacrificed their relationship to make her dreams come true. Every time they talk, she felt an invisible hand slapping her in the face. And it was definitely her own hand. All she needed now was something that would distract her attention and would let her stop cry into her beer. Suddenly, she heard a knock and Kurt stood on the doorstep.

'Did you watch it?'

'Yeah. They won.' she answered automatically, don't even bother to look at him.

'You texted him.' it wasn't even a question, it was a fact.

'Yes.'

'You're stupid. You're totally stupid.'

She felt Kurt had lain on a mattress.

'Thanks for your support. You're a valued friend. And you didn't congratulate me on my role.'

'Oh, congratulations ' he snorted 'and, at the same time, I'm sorry for your mental state. You're both sick and cannot start living once again. Finn finds release in football and newly met girls, and you're letting hurt yourself at rehearsals and you don't even react when people say you're not talented. This craziness lasts way too long...'

'You know I almost moved on...'

'Yeah, bravo! You had Johnny for like six months and you'd changed it all during three days. I have no idea why you let it happen, guys, but fine, I forbear this groaning... But it's not my own life. Who, the hell, are you, girl?'

It has been a long time since she finally opened her mouth. She was afraid of Kurt who, without changing his tone, could chide her like a little baby.

'I don't know. I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want. Since a year, I've been wondering if it was worth it, if it is really my dream. You know, Kurt, I've never thought being a star means making others happy, not yourself.'

Kurt stood up, looked at her and shook his head unbelievingly.

'No, you're not stupid. You love him. And what's worse, he loves you, too. And none of you want to say it out loud...'

He left her room. A moment later, hoping he wouldn't come back, he appeared once again, holding two glasses and salt in one hand, and a lemon, knife and bottle of tequila in the other. It was all she needed right now.


End file.
